Review: John Cleese’s Wine for the Confused

I can’t wait to throw my next dinner party just so I can show off everything I’ve learned about wine since watching “John Cleese’s Wine for the Confused.”

Based on the premise that good wine is what tastes good to you and fits your budget, Cleese’s show makes a supremely useful introduction to the overly complicated topic of wine drinking. In about two hours, this super low-budget 2004 Food Network program, along with all its marvelous special features, will give anyone who fears buying and ordering wine a strong foundation of confidence.

I stumbled onto the DVD at Netflix.com, and it’s also available for purchase on Amazon.com.

Of course the show is amusing because Cleese — a Monty Python alum and star of one of my all-time favorite comedies A Fish Called Wanda — can’t help but be funny. But he also obviously loves wine and takes the audience along, asking all the questions you’ve always wanted to ask but didn’t because you were afraid to show the true level of your wine ignorance. After all, aren’t wine drinkers supposed to be born knowing all the intricacies of this art form? A lack of that knowledge must point to some embarrassing failure of character, right?

Not in the least, Cleese says.

Take “the F-word,” for example — fermentation. What exactly is it? As you find out from the program, fermentation (and weather during the grape growing season) governs the alcohol content and taste of every bottle of wine. How a wine maker uses fermentation also accounts for why a sip from one bottle of Riesling can suck all the moisture out of your mouth, while another tastes sweet enough to rot your teeth.

There are also helpful tips on how to describe the kinds of wines you like to merchants and waiters and how to keep from being ripped off by unscrupulous sommeliers. The extra scenes, which include tips that didn’t make it into the show and extended interviews with the wine makers, are also informative. I watched the whole package three times, and took notes.

The program is limited, of course.

Cleese covers only the six standard wine grapes: the big three whites — Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay, and the big three reds — Pinot Noir, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. For budgetary reasons, the wineries profiled all sit in the Santa Inez Valley of California, about an hour from Cleese’s home.

The limited focus is good, though, because the process of growing grapes, turning them into wine and learning how to appreciate the various styles and vintages and how they go with food are overwhelming for the novice. Wine knowledge is better sipped than guzzled.

Tags: Food Network, John Cleese, Wine